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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946814">Start Over, Better</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RetroactiveCon/pseuds/RetroactiveCon'>RetroactiveCon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pieces of a Broken Mirror [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Flash (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Self-Esteem Issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:06:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,205</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946814</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RetroactiveCon/pseuds/RetroactiveCon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"In case this is something you need to hear…you can tell me if you ever get tired of being my home. I mean it would be okay. I want to make you happy, and if you’re happier on your own, I want to know so you can be happy.”</em>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Allen/Iris West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Pieces of a Broken Mirror [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>54</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Start Over, Better</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaCatherine/gifts">SophiaCatherine</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For SophiaCatherine, who asked to see how Barry would handle all the things mirror Iris said to him when his rejection-sensitive dysphoria comes into play. This is pretty much unrelenting angst - Iris addresses all the points Barry raises, but RSD can make it really hard to accept comfort, so Barry doesn't believe her fully.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Barry waits until the third night Iris is home—long enough that she’s started to settle in, but hopefully not too long if she’s keeping quiet too. They’re cuddled in bed, his head resting comfortably on her breast, when he offers, “Um, just in case you…in case this is something you need to hear…you can tell me if you ever get tired of being my home. I mean it would be okay. I want to make you happy, and if you’re happier on your own, I want to know so you can be happy.” </p>
<p>Iris props herself up on her elbows. Barry tries to sit up—maybe she wants him to move—but she cups his head and pushes him back down against her chest. “What are you talking about, Barry? You’re scaring me.”</p>
<p>“Um, I had some time to think when the mirror clone was pretending to be you.” He lays his hand on her slightly soft belly. Before the mirror clone, he’d probably have cradled her other breast, but neither of them has been in the mood for even vaguely sexual touches. The last thing he wants is to make her uncomfortable. “And I mean, she wasn’t you, but she raised some valid points. I smother you. I don’t let you grow. I make unilateral decisions and expect you to go along with it just because you love me. Oh, and, plus, Flashpoint and then Savitar—I killed you. Or I was going to. I would have, if not for HR. You do so much for me, you’re my lightning rod, and I…” Tears spring to his eyes. Being confronted with the injustice of it hurts, and if it hurts him this much, how must she feel? “I can’t remember the last time I just did something good for you.”</p>
<p>“Barry.” She pets his hair. In the process, her nails drag over his scalp in a way he can’t help but love. “Babe, I…I can’t say those aren’t valid points, but they’re not the whole story. You worry for me, but when it comes down to it, you don’t stop me chasing meaningful stories. In fact, you’re the whole reason I got into journalism in the first place—remember?”</p>
<p>Slowly, he nods. She’d hated him for suggesting she take a journalism class—too much work and too many annoying classmates. Neither of them could have foreseen that journalism class would lead to the CC Citizen. </p>
<p>“Nora…was an overreaction, and if you’d told me what you were going to do I’d have stopped you, but I forgave you for that, Barry.” She kisses his brow. “Knowingly or not, she was working with the man who killed your parents, manipulated you for a year, killed Eddie—I understand why you reacted that way. And it’s not like we’ll never see her again.” There’s a tremble in her voice that Barry despises himself for causing. He’s the reason they lost their daughter. If he hadn’t acted so rashly (<em>pathetic overemotional creature</em>)… “We will. I have to believe that. And this time, she won’t fall into Thawne’s hands. She’ll stay with us, and no little girl will ever be more loved.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He thinks back to the illusion Bloodwork showed him—a tiny girl all in purple, staring in confusion as he struggled to pick her up. If he’s ever able to hold his baby again, he’ll never let go. He knows Iris feels the same way. </p>
<p>“And Flashpoint…” She sighs. “Barry, you were broken. I’m not going to pretend it was the right thing to do, but if I had the choice to change time and save Nora? I’d do it in a heartbeat. You didn’t know what the consequences would be—you certainly had no idea it would bring Savitar into existence.” </p>
<p>“No, but that’s the problem!” He tries to sit up and look her in the eye. She presses against his head until he stops struggling and settles back onto her breast. How can she stand to hold him so intimately when he’s done nothing but hurt her? “I don’t think things through and you’re the one who pays for it, always! I don’t deserve you as my home, the mirror clone was right about that…”</p>
<p>“Barry. Look at me.” Gone is the soft, cooing tone. In its place is cool command. Barry looks up automatically. Iris’s eyes are shining with tears. “You don’t see the other side of it, and she didn’t either. She ignored all the support you’ve given me, and I don’t think you even notice. But the little boy who did my ballet recital with me? The guy who talked me into a journalism class, and broke down the nerdy science stuff for my articles, and was there for me every time a story led me into danger? The man who has never hesitated when my family was in danger—for me, for my dad, even for Wally when you still barely knew him? The man who just saved me from a world that was getting inside my head in ways you can't imagine?”</p>
<p>It’s not enough. Barry opens his mouth to protest, but she isn’t done. </p>
<p>“That’s who I need right now. Because Barry, I’m so overwhelmed.” She bites her lower lip. A tear trickles slowly down her cheek. “This place doesn’t feel like home to me anymore, not after the mirror clone was here. You’re the only stability I have right now. Please, I can’t lose you.” </p>
<p>Barry pulls her close and coaxes her to bury her face in his shoulder. “Oh, no, Iris,” he coos. He did this; he’s making her cry. There will be time for self-blame later, when she’s happy again. For now, he has to be what she needs. “No, shh, I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you want me to. I just want to be what you need.” </p>
<p>“Then be my husband.” Her tears drip down onto his collarbone. He has to resist the urge to wipe them away. It doesn’t feel nice, but Iris needs his attention more than he needs to be comfortable. “I want you. I want to make this work between us. The mirror clone didn’t, that’s why she was so cruel, but I want to be with you because you’re my home, Barry.”</p>
<p>She wants him (despite everything, Barry reminds himself, because the mirror clone was right: Barry has been terrible to her). He has to stay. He has to be better for her. “I’m not gonna leave,” he promises. “I’m here, I’m right here for however long you need.” </p>
<p>Iris looks up at him with too-bright, tear-filled eyes. He kisses tears off her cheeks, begging without words to be allowed to be good for her. “How about forever?” she asks. </p>
<p>He nods immediately. “Then we can stay right here forever.”</p>
<p>She nuzzles back into the crook of his neck. “That would be nice.” </p>
<p>It isn’t possible, but Barry wishes he could keep her tucked away in their room until she finds her balance again. “I love you, Iris. I love you so much, and I’m happy to have you back.”</p>
<p>She presses a tear-slick kiss to his shoulder. “I love you too, babe.”</p>
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